i hurt.
i don't know what to do.
i am a fool.
all this time, i have been under the false impression that Nathan loves me.
but he doesnt. how can he?
we were talking. like we have lately. about the "m" word.
he told me that he isn't ready for it.
i said that i understand, and i suppose... but then, no. i don't
for 2 + years he has been talking "M" just to say that he isnt ready?
ok. we live together, we pay our bills together... we sleep in the same bed. we dont have sex... HA so the ONLY difference in now and M'd is a piece of paper that legally recognizes it, and a promise under God.
so, when he says he isn't ready, the only thing i can assume is that he isn't ready to make a committment to ME.
and after 3+ years together, you KNOW if you can make that committment of not and you KNOW whether or not you want to. so naturally, what does all this say?
he doesnt love me.
how could he?
bastard.
so now. what do i do?
i have been lied to forever. and i have been living a lie, and i am an idiot. and i am so sad that i could literally die. right now. from the weight of this pain.
and i went to my friend's wedding saturday. and i wanted to bad to have a good time. but i couldn't stay. it was such a beautiful wedding, and i saw how much he loved her, and it hurt so bad knowing that i thought i had that, and less then 12 hours before, i was proved wrong.
it was torture.
oh, someone kill me now.
